I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
