did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
