I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I would ride that face into the sunset
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
