I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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