my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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