New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
