She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We are two peas in an std pod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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