yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
