Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
