he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
