so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Randomize
