fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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