You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
