a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
