8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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