4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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