the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
