Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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