Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
