Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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