Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
