I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
