I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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