you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
