my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
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He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
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He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
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