He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
