Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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