Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
