And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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