Moan for me like Helen Keller
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
