youre lurking in front of me
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
