just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
