Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
