so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
