My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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