if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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