Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
