are you still at the devil's house?
Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
