Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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