i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
