god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
