I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
