please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
