chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
