I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
