No awkward lesbian experiences without me
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
