lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
