shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Randomize
