Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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