Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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