last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
please come you make the beer taste better
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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