dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
