I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
