I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
