the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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