are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
