id be glad to
Redeem this text for a blowjob
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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