I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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