walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wish I only lived at night.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The ass gains better be worth it
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