I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Are we still banned from the library?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
