Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
