apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
