just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
