but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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