I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
