Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Randomize
