I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
