Where is the hickey?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
