All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
we made out on top of his cat.
I wish i was in the wii world.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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