Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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