Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
