my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
