Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
