is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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