You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
