What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
