You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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