i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
