Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she told me i tasted like america
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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