Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
